Here we are again, Tuesday evening. My therapy session was actually really invigorating and went far better than I expected, and gave me some concrete things to consider and strive for in the days, weeks, and months ahead. Sometimes being a seeker and and a Gemini and codependent and a proud member of the anti-depressant-prescribed community and having a genius IQ means that most of my goals are intangible or, at best, not easily measured for success. I sure do like a change from that now and again.
Our main topic tonight was that of moderation. Richard suggested that the pursuit of moderation, or in keeping with the theme, letting go of excess, might be a good addition to my list of things to focus on in the new year. I thought I would see how I could tie it into the four I’ve chosen, because an overarching theme seems a good way to think about it all each day without necessarily needing to drill down to each particular. So, tonight I’ll muse on two of them, and tomorrow we’ll tackle the other two, shall we?
Fear. This is a pretty easy one, really; the kind of moderation we discussed is something I often don’t allow myself because I am afraid that the good feelings I am experiencing will become unavailable to me. I need to recognize that, by enjoying certain of life’s offerings in moderation, they are far more likely to remain than if I overindulge and cannot maintain balance. I have many responsibilities, to myself, to Joshua, to my friends, to my employer, to my community – if I allow myself to become engulfed by any one facet of my life, the others suffer, and that threatens far greater loss than my irrational fear of a source of happiness disappearing on me.
Resentment. Another easy one (and I didn’t even do that on purpose!). If I am giving most of myself in one direction, the people who are shortchanged will grow resentful of me and my overwhelmingly primary focus, and I resentful toward them for wanting more of me than I have allowed myself to have left to give. If I do not maintain the balance that is healthy and giving in the correct amounts to each part of my life that need my time and attention, including my own self-care, then I become resentful toward the object of my excess, poisoning the relationship.
So, here’s to moderation, and the ways it supports sustainable happiness and well-being. Now I think I’m going to go sleep for 12 hours.